So I forgot about you for a while, and I am so very sorry.
I've been having to deal with the weight that comes with growing up and it's all proving over and over not to be an easy feat. I recently did hours of self analysis to discover that one of the things that was holding me back from my full happiness potential was a stupid past with a stupid boy. Yes, it does sounds a little like the plot of many Hollywood movies, but hey, I've only just become legal. My teenage dream years are not over just yet. And while talking out what I was truly feeling, I realized that moving on was in my hands, it had always been. Of course it sounds simple, but with all of the events and emotions surrounding this kid I had always been left to wonder. To wonder and wish that things worked themselves differently and to figure out what it was that went wrong. To figure out where I had gone wrong. But the thing was that that had always been a trick question, because the one that had done wrong was not me, it had always been him.Coming to terms with the fact that the person I had admired for so long, that I'd wish would look at me the same way I thought I saw him, didn't and never intended to rekindle anything at all was tough. I am still dealing with having to suppress those feelings whenever they try to resurface, but I'll get there and although it may sound crazy, it feels great to know I'm not "the one", because honestly he doesn't deserve me. It's just a matter of making the part of my heart that still wishes on him believe it.
Aside from all the obvious guy related drama going on inside my head, I am just trying to enjoy life. It proves everyday that it is wayy too short and that everyone should live the crap out of it. That's exactly what I'm trying to do. I need to get in tune, firsts with God and then with who in the world this girl right here is suppose to be, which isn't easy. I have many dreams and plans that might lead me to doing something great I just hope and pray that they work and that wherever I end up I never forget God and have loving people around me (all things I feel everyone should have). Hopefully, you reading this do.
Sitting here typing away I think about how lost we truly are, us humans. Being able to rationalize is not always great. Other animals live by instinct and just live to survive, we have to deal with emotions and doubts and all the stress that goes along with surviving. Out in the depths of the jungle all they worry about is how to get from point A to B with out being detected. They don't ever wonder about how to get the bills paid or what to wear, that never crosses their mind. So this truly makes me wonder, Are we really better off? Having the ability to choose, it sometimes isn't the best offer. But God knows why I am a young woman and not just an animal, that must mean I am destined for something. Knowing myself, it cannot be anything less than greatness.
